Divorcing a narcissist can be a nightmare. Understanding how to effectively deal with narcissistic spouses or former spouses will make your divorce and your post-divorce healing process less stressful. Narcissistic personality disorder is characterized by the feeling of self-importance at the expense of others, and they are often in need of constant admiration. Narcissists can be bullies, and they often gaslight their partners to deflect from their own behavior, telling their partners that what the partner sees, hears and feels is not real or not valid.
Managing life with a narcissistic co-parent can be exhausting and highly stressful. Coping mechanisms include minimizing contact and changing your own response pattern to stop “playing the game”. The game, for a narcissist, is the argument itself. They are the victims in a fabricated scenario, and then they are the heroes who solves the very problem they created, and then want you to thank them for it. As the famous line from the movie “War Games” goes: “the only way to win is not to play”. You can’t change the narcissist, but you can change the way you respond to them. You don’t defend or explain. You write extremely brief, pointed, informational, firm and friendly enough responses to long ranting, accusatory emails. You don’t accept their invitations to a fight. Eventually, in many cases, the behavior itself diminishes, because you have denied them the fuel to their fire. They get bored and move on to another willing participant.
Divorces are emotionally taxing and divorcing a narcissist will add to that stress. Make sure that you prioritize yourself during the process and refuse abusive behavior. Get help from a qualified therapist to help you work on managing the extraordinary stress of the situation. And read Bill Eddy’s works, including “Our New World of Adult Bullies” and “High Conflict People in Legal Disputes”. Both contain invaluable tips for managing interactions with a narcissist.
A lawyer trained in therapeutic processes and educated in psychology and major personality disorders can be invaluable in your divorce. At Brodzki Jacobs, we have that advanced training. Please reach out to us at 954-344-7737 if you need stress-free help through a divorce.
